After more than 30 years abroad, Vivian Pei returned to the United States to care for her aging father. The American mother of two and cofounder of a local convenience store in Iowa City said the decision was driven by a visit to her 85-year-old parent, who appeared to have aged significantly in a short time. Her father had maintained independence by working at his restaurant in Wisconsin until just before the pandemic, but his physical condition and living environment made it clear he required more support than he was willing to admit.
Leaving a life built abroad
Pei was born in San Francisco but moved to St. Louis as a child when her father opened a Chinese restaurant. She spent her senior year of college studying in Paris and stayed for two years. Her career then took her to Tokyo, Singapore, and London, where she earned an MBA and worked in marketing and brand strategy. She met her British husband in Singapore, lived there for 16 years, and raised two children before the couple split while continuing to co-parent.
In March 2022, Pei decided to move back to the U.S. with her children. Her former husband was initially reluctant, but they eventually agreed to the arrangement. Pei chose Iowa City because she had extended family there who could offer a support network. She arrived with her two teenagers and 12 large suitcases, essentially starting over. Her father moved in with them two weeks later, marking the first time they had lived together since she was 16.
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Pei faced a rapid series of adjustments. She had to help her teenagers settle into new schools, buy a home, set up utilities, and work through the American healthcare system. Her father provided stacks of mail, financial records, and medical information that needed organization. Managing his medications and finding new doctors became part of her daily routine. She also had to manage the practical realities of caring for an aging parent, from handling paperwork to ensuring he received proper medical attention.
For Pei, the transition meant losing the professional identity and social life she had built in Singapore. She found herself caught between the needs of her children and the demands of her father’s care. The experience became physically and emotionally exhausting. Her father, a man from a generation that rarely complained, often insisted he was fine even when he was in pain. As he began to show signs of dementia, his personality changed. He became stubborn, and managing his moods added to the strain.
She started a food business with her cousin, selling Asian-inspired snacks at farmers markets. This gave her an outlet and some independence. The business also provided flexibility while caring for her father. Her dad got to see his grandchildren every day, something he had missed while they were living overseas.
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Reflection and legacy
Her father had spent his life providing for the family, rarely spending money on himself. Being able to cook and care for him felt like a chance to give something back. Last year, her dad passed away, and she is grateful she made the move. If she could do it again, she would take things slower and settle her children first.
She would also have more open conversations with family members about sharing the workload. She is still living in Iowa City, although she expects to downsize once her son finishes high school. She has spent most of her life searching for somewhere that feels like home. She does not know where she will end up next, but she is glad she came back when she did, and got to spend those final years with her dad.
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